Yomenië - in response.

As you know I did indeed find and read the post you wrote I guess "to me" and I did leave a comment, but at that time I was a bit shocked and couldn't properly collect my thoughts to respond to your post. I also talked to you at school and on the phone about it but I'm bad with speaking, I'm a writer after all. Now that I've thought about it and my mind is a bit clearer I will respond with my heart in this post, (and this time actually send it to you.) I hope you know I've re-read that post like 5 times. xD
It surprises me that I make you feel like such a special person, to be honest with you. Of course I spout random, I suppose romantic, things to you but I never really thought they had that much of an impact. I thought that they were just words to you.
On the contrary, you have done a lot for me. Remember that email I sent you? I didn't lie when I said you taught me what love is and for the current me that is the most important thing anyone could have ever done for me. I'm not going to lie though, it is true that at times I do feel like you shut me out or down. It does hurt and it's nights like those where I feel down. On the other hand though if I could I would keep you entirely for myself and not let anyone else have you. I give you all of those necklaces to re-enforce that and to give my comfort, to see those things is like a calming drug for me. I'm trying to find a balance in my selfishness and for you to have freedom.
One other thing, I do still believe you when you tell me you love me. I guess I just say I don't as a joke, I never really thought it hurt you, but when I really think about it of course it would. I'm denying you of your true feelings. I'll change that and stop calling you a liar.
I've never had someone in reality that I needed as much as I need you so I'm trying my best, if anything I do bothers you please tell me either through our blogs or through other means.
You didn't screw anything up, we're still close as ever. You told me I seemed more distant as of late? The truth is I've been having problems within my family and myself. The family because of all the court stuff they've been arguing a lot and sometimes I get caught into it and fall into depression, internally because I've been being pressured into getting a job now more than ever because my mom needs a second income to pay the bills. I also need money for my own needs as well. It makes me so sad thinking about getting a job though to the point of tears, I don't know why really. Maybe because I'm afraid of the future, and of leaving you, and that I have to work so much harder than other to get a job because I suck at making resumes, and look punk even without all my gear and makeup.
I apologize for appearing distant I've just been sad/depressed lately. Plus there's all this stuff with Kyle as you already know.
Sometimes I regret getting you two together because I want you to be mine and mine only, but above that I want your happiness. I believe that one day you call "fall in love with me as a person" as I have for you. If you desire to change, I will guide you there with an extended hand all the way.
I look forward to the day you make me believe you without a doubt, and I apologize for being such a selfish person.
As long as you return to my embrace I will always love you, and I will always wear this chain. Although for work I'll probably put it in my pocket because it doesn't look too good for the working world now does it? xD I'll always have it with me though.