I'm a failure.

I apologize, a thousand times over I apologize. I'll never be able to convey my sorrow for this, never. Like you right now I am crying my eyes out, I feel horrible. I am horrible, I've known it from my birth that I'm horrible.
I don't want you to break up, or maybe I do. I want your happiness. I should have just kept my mouth shut and let you be happy, just slowly... separated myself from you two on my own accord. Running away suddenly in the rain was a bad idea probably. I can't think straight anymore.
Don't break up. I don't want to... have you and Cole hate me for being selfish.
Couples shouldn't restrict their love for selfish sensitive bastards like me. I realized while reading your reply, and by writing this... I'm the one who's pushed everyone away. Not the other way around. I'm the one who has failed, not anyone else. My own emotions have destroyed me, and I'm trapped. Even though you told me I've grown... I haven't. I'm still that weak little child cowering in the corner of her room begging for the pain to go away. Except this time it isn't a man destroying me, it's me destroying myself. I'm the adult here, I should think of the choice. I let a 14 year old dictate my life for me.
I've only grown to hate myself more for hurting you.
I promised you the world, gave it to you, and destroyed it. I really am an evil being like everyone says.
You will always have me whether it be physically or not.
My inability to live around love has destroyed me, truthfully a lot of people told me I was being stupid but I didn't listen. I wish I did now because it would have saved me from the pain I feel now. I don't want to live now, but I will continue to live - for no reason.
On the other hand you live for me, but all we do is talk on Twitter, and hang out with Cole. I don't feel special really. I did in the beginning but I've grown cold. I'm really fucked up huh? You deserve better than me don't you?
Please continue to be in love with Cole. I'll seclude myself in my corner. I'll talk to you on Twitter... that's what someone like me should do, right? That way you can be happy right? You can be in love with him and you still get to talk to me right? I just have to give some things up...
Don't ruin your life for me.
Next year will be great for you, you wont have to worry about satisfying me anymore or hiding from me anymore because I wont be around. Actually, don't worry about hiding from me. At school I wont be anywhere you will find me.
If you want, on Halloween I wont go out with you and Cole. I don't know how to fix this anymore, I thought I had all the answers, but I just brought up more questions. I'm too possessive, I'm too much. I want to change but I don't know how. I want to stop letting these emotions ruling me. I'll try my hardest I promise.
If we go with the option of me avoiding you I promise to send you a long letter like this every day detailing my day, and anything I would have told you in real life. I sound like a distant lover now. I'm hopeless.
One day in the future I hope to become the woman you thought I was, the strong independent one that you looked up to. Not this weak failure who clings onto you. Will you wait for that day? Will you still be around my side for that day? I don't want you to be suicidal, and if you two broke up that would have just ended all the work I made into making you happy. I really fucked everything up today. I don't know if things will ever be the same because I'm the type to run away.

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I've slept now, and stopped my tears. My brain is a bit clearer despite just waking up from 10 hours of glorious sleep too deep to dream of the pain. Through that suffering night of blood mixed with tears, I realized one thing: The fear of losing you is more great than my fear of solitude. Well I suppose they tie in because if I lost you I'd be alone again... but you see my point I suppose.
Waking up I realized that I have a burning desire to fix this falling out. Note that it is mostly my fault, and not your own. You may think it's your fault more so than my own but that is not true. All you've done is fall in love and become obsessed with your boyfriend. All teenage girls, extracting myself, (I don't fall in love anymore) do this. My previous solution to just simply leave you alone at school probably isn't the best of ideas but in a situation such as this there isn't a whole lot to do.
The best fix for this is for me to get cured of this strong hatred towards the one thing that killed me. I have no idea on how to cure it though so please bare with me on this my darling. I talk like a romantic but in truth on the inside everything is all jumbled up and I feel like it's all turned black. I did say you re-awakened my emotions which you did but I don't know how to deal with them in a healthy way. So I suppose I've just been hurt by them. I want more than anything to be cured of this, so can you help me with that? At the moment I just feel very trapped. If I continue my hatred like this I really will push you away from me completely. Which terrifies me more than anything in the world, or in the underworld.